Hadiza El-Rufai Reveals Polygamy Was Never Her Plan But She Chose To Stay

Hadiza El-Rufai, first wife of former Kaduna State governor Nasir El-Rufai, has opened up about her experience in a polygamous marriage, revealing that it was never her original plan when she got married.

In a post on X on Sunday, she shared her thoughts while responding to a discussion sparked by a lawyer’s announcement that he was taking a second wife.

“My husband was raised in a polygamous family, while I, by contrast, grew up in a monogamous one,” she wrote. “When we agreed to get married, I envisaged a monogamous marriage, even though the subject was never discussed.”

Hadiza explained that the marriage later became polygamous by her husband’s choice, but she made the decision to remain in it.

“Now I find myself in a polygamous marriage, not by choice initially, but subsequently by choice,” she said. “Not by choice initially because the transformation from monogamy to polygamy was my husband’s decision, and subsequently by choice because staying in the marriage was my decision alone.”

She also highlighted that under Islamic law, a woman can leave a marriage without providing a reason, as long as she returns the dowry. “Could that have influenced my decision to stay? Perhaps, but by that time, I had already used my dowry,” she added.

Reflecting on her role as the first wife, Hadiza said the arrangement allowed her more time to focus on her career, personal interests, and children, while sharing family responsibilities with co-wives. She, however, noted that she could not identify any benefit of polygamy for men and encouraged individuals to make personal choices that suit them.

Nasir and Hadiza El-Rufai met in 1976 at the School of Basic Studies, Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, and married in 1985 in Kaduna. Hadiza is a writer and novelist, and the couple have children together.